The Day I Invented Horse Drawn Ice Skiing

The Day I Invented Horse Drawn Ice Skiing

With all the attention on the winter Olympics, I thought it was time to introduce a new winter sport.  It’s a little event my brothers and I invented years ago, when I was 14 years old, and they were 11 and 10.  It combines the balance of ice skating, the speed and grace of water skiing, and the abject fear of being in the midst of stampeding horses.  How can it not be a hit?

                                 
In truth, we didn’t set out to invent a new sport.  It was one of those fortunate accidents that result in something new and exciting being born.  Our family used to board horses on a 200 acre farm in mid-Michigan.  The property was adjacent to a medium-sized all-sports lake.  There was a gate at the edge of the property bordering the lake, through which hikers, riders, and the occasional snowmobiler could pass through to cross our property.  In those days people were generally friendly and trusting.

Unfortunately, somebody left that gate open one February day, and about 20 horses escaped.  Ordinarily, our horses would avoid any potentially scary obstacles like snakes, mailboxes, and huge frozen bodies of water.  For some reason though, on this day, they decided that wandering out onto the middle of the ice would be fun. Maybe they were planning an impromptu game of hockey.

A neighbor of ours who lived on the lake called us up. “Are you missing any horses?” he asked.

“Not that we know of. Why?” asked my mother.
“Because theres a herd of them out on the lake.  The ice fishermen are complaining ’cause they’re scaring the fish.  I think the real problem is that they’re scaring the fishermen.”

My mom sent me and my two brothers out to bring them back.  We took along a little grain.  Most horses are suckers for grain, and we didn’t want to try to chase the horses around on ice.  Sure enough, we had no problem whatsoever, the horses crowded around us as soon as they recognized what we had.  Each of my brothers took one horse by the halter, and I – fancying myself a fearless cowboy, took two, one in each hand.  We knew that if we walked the lead horses home, the rest would follow.

We started for home, and everything was going according to plan.  My brothers led the way with their two horses in hand.  I followed with two more.  The other 16 horses moseyed along behind us.  Then we heard the first crack.  Every horse jerked it’s head up, pricked up it’s ears, and picked up it’s pace.  We had to step pretty quickly to keep from being pulled right off our feet.

Then we heard a second, louder crack.  I believe these were just surface cracks, affecting only the top layer of ice, but I couldn’t convince the horses.  They were sure we were all about to die a horrible death in freezing water, and they weren’t about to wait around for it to happen.  Whatever nervousness the fishermen had felt about the horses before was nothing compared to the their reaction next. A thundering herd of 20 horses came galloping, slipping, and sliding through their cluster of ice shanties and tip-ups.

My brothers both lost their footing.  For a few moments they hung on, and were dragged along dangerously under the horses pounding hooves.  Fortunately they had the good sense to let go, and both escaped without being trampled.  I, on the other hand, had the advantage of balancing my weight between two horses, and still entertained the foolish notion that I could bring the horses under some semblance of control.  I tried to utilize the Fred Flintstone system of braking, and then reflected on the fact that Fred never had to stop the Flintsonemobile on ice.

I was holding on for dear life as the horses I was leading – make that the horses that were leading me – shot through the ice shanties and scattered fishermen in every direction.  I was terrified, but still had several thoughts flash through my mind.  First was how funny the situation would have looked if viewed by non-participants.  Second, that if I hadn’t been so scared, this method of ice skiing would have been a blast.  Third, I prayed that no fish would choose an inopportune moment to strike one of the tip-ups – that being one of the 3 or 4 times the horses shot by them, one on either side and me gliding across them a-straddle.  Thankfully, that didn’t happen.

So, using this experience to lay out the rules of the new sport of horse-drawn ice skiing, I’ve come up with the following suggestions.  Simulating the scattering fishermen, the judges and referees have to start in a loose gathering at the beginning of the competition, amid a series of shanties and tip-ups.  In the judged event, each competitor must drag under and / or behind one horse (randomly drawn from a herd).  They are judged on skill, style, artistic interpretation, and their ability to avoid the flying hooves.  The longer the contestant hangs on to his horse, the more points he can accumulate.

The second part of the competition consists of a race to the finish gate.  In this part, each competitor hangs on to 2 horses, also drawn randomly.  The goal is to stay afoot for 100 yards while weaving through obstacles.  An athletic cup is mandatory for the tip-ups, which are programmed to trigger at random intervals.  Having 20 horses funnel through a gate that only allows 1 or 2 through at a time adds another dimension of danger and excitement to the contest.  In the original experience, the gate was on land, but in my design for the race it is erected on ice.  If people want to see competitors dragged on land, they can watch a wild horse race.
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