‘Throwing Dung’ and Other World-wide Time Wasting Sports (Apart From Golf)

Black pudding lobbing

 

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People travel from as far as Hong Kong, Africa and Sweden to compete in the grand, annual black pudding lobbing competition, held in Yorkshire, England.  Giant Yorkshire puddings are placed on a ledge 20 feet above ground, and the aim of the weird game (for want of a better, more suitable word) is to lob chunks of black puddings at them in the hope of  hitting them down.

Pigs’ feet bobbing

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“Pig’s feet bobbing?”  you ask. “What on earth is that?”  It’s simple really, and it will make a lot of sense to you.  Pigs’ feet are placed in a large basin of water. (Of course, they’re not still attached to the pigs, that would be stupid). Competitors then have to put their heads into the water and remove the pigs’ feet with their teeth.  But wait, only your teeth can be used, no hands or anything like that, we don’t want no cheating, now (double negatives intended). This bizarre sport is played in some of the southern states of the USA.

Cow pat/cow chip throwing

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In Oklahoma, the World Cow Chip Throwing Championship is held annually. Now I don’t know if the ‘world’ part of that statement is meant to be the American version of ‘world’ as in the ‘World Series’ in baseball meaning only America; or if the ‘world’ refers to the way the rest of us understand it to mean – all over the earth. 

Either way, people meet together to play a sport which encourages you to throw dung.  The further you throw the piece of dung, the better your chances of winning.  You would think that there would be no rules to such a game, but you would be sooo wrong.  Of course, there are rules!  No bringing in your own dung, you’ve got to pick one from the official pile of crap in the official truck. Dung must not be tampered with – as if you would. Would you?

 If your dung breaks in half while you’re lobbing it across the field, then the piece that ends up the farthest is the section that will be judged.  He/she who throws the slab of poo furthest, wins the prize.

Toe wrestling

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Now we’re talking.  I’ve always liked a bit of toe wrestling fun – not! The aim of this bizarre sport is to try to force your opponent’s foot down in the best-of-three ‘toe-down’ match.  It’s arm wrestling – only, with toes. Does that make sense?

Shin kicking

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Now, here’s one I’d like (to see two other people play).  I don’t fancy getting my shin kicked to pieces, thank you.  This game is simple – that is ‘simple’ as in dumb, not ‘simple’ as in easy to play.  There is nothing easy about getting kicked repeatedly in the shin – or anywhere else for that matter.  To win, you’ve got to kick your opponent’s shin until he gives up, basically.

Pooh stick racing

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Throw a piece of stick, drop it in the river, and see whose gets to the finish line first.  Kinda like what Christopher Robin and Pooh bear used to do.

Wife carrying competition

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This sport – or whatever – was first started in Finland. The object of this whacky game is to get through several obstacles in the fastest time.  This in itself wouldn’t be too bad, except that you have to be carrying your wife at all times on the track. Not bad, I suppose, if your wife is thin.

Chess boxing

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Chess playing people were fed up with being looked upon as nerds without brawn, so they developed a sport where they can prove their physical strength while exercising the grey matter.  Four minutes of chess is followed by two minutes of beating up on each other – it relieves the stress, you know. Chess, fight, chess, fight… and the night goes on…

Cheese rolling

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The aim of this – sport – is to win the cheese.  A large, round Double Gloucester (that’s pronounced ‘Gloster’) cheese is rolled down a hill. The competitors simply have to chase after it.  He who wins, gets the cheese.  How fast can a cheese go you ask, the answer is, as fast as 100 km per hour.

Lawn mower racing

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The all-consuming excitement of mowing the lawn is no longer enough for you? Why? Here is the perfect solution!  Take up lawn mower racing. This was started in the USA, and is similar to a typical car race – except, it’s with lawn mowers.  We lived in Ireland for years and years, but were always astounded when we came across signs for tractor and sheep shearing races.  I suppose people who own lots of land, have to find ways of entertaining themselves too.

Freestyle walking

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This is just a fancy name for skateboarding without skates.  This also started in the USA. It consists of young men (and not so young men) randomly jumping off rails and fences, using, not a skateboard – which is dangerous enough – but merely their feet.

Ferret Legging

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This bizarre sport is only for the bravest among us, and was started in Yorkshire, England.  Ferret legging is simple.  Your trousers are tied around the ankles, two squirming ferrets are then let down into them, after which your belt is pulled securely around your waist. The aim of the game? That’s obvious, isn’t it?

Now you know all these events are available to play, do go out and have some fun! Put a ferret down your trousers, throw some dung, carry a wife, hurl a toilet seat.  There’s enough here for everyone, so I’m sure that there’s something here for you. Weird sport!  Here we come!