Best Football Jokes on Sickipedia (And Worst)

Ever noticed during international football matches, the score shows three letters to show which country is playing which, such as ‘ENG 3-0 FRA’ – I wonder if that’s why I’ve never seen NIGeria play GERmany?…    

Joke by DirtyCuntPJ in Sports – Football (+ 1 more) – Added: 2 years, 4 months ago – Current Score: 3,703.4

My mate asked me if I saw the England goal.

Unfortunately I missed it, I was too busy refereeing the match.    

Joke by im too funny in Sports – Football (+ 1 more) – Added: 1 year, 6 months ago – Current Score: 3,306.6

Dear Sickipedia,

I have 23 jokes and I can’t understand why any of them haven’t scored very well.

Fabio.    

Joke by FABIO CAPELLO in Sports – Football (+ 1 more) – Added: 1 year, 6 months ago – Current Score: 2,560.2

Three Celtic fans walk into a bar… A priest, a poof and a paedophile… And that was just the first one.    

Joke by uddingstonbluenose in Sports – Football – Added: 4 years, 6 months ago – Current Score: 2,430.2

England v USA – Kick off 19:30.

USA will turn up at 19:41 and then claim victory.    

Joke by iamhere in Sports – Football (+ 1 more) – Added: 1 year, 6 months ago – Current Score: 2,126

To all those women who watch the football and shout “pass it to Frank” or “bring Joe Cole on;” fuck off. You didn’t see me at Sex And The City 2 shouting “fuck her up the arse.”    

Joke by lgcc in Sports – Football – Added: 1 year, 6 months ago – Current Score: 2,099.4

Tough game for Liverpool tomorrow.

Football.    

Joke by Banksy in Sports – Football – Added: 1 year, 2 months ago – Current Score: 2,089

Today I had sex with the Uruguayan linesman’s wife, and then proceeded to have sex with his daughter right in front of his face. As if this wasn’t bad enough I stole his car and then burnt down his house as well as all his possesions. To finish off I wrote to FIFA and had him sacked from his job.

You may see this as my actions were pretty harsh and unfair but don’t worry, he can’t see when I’ve crossed the line    

Joke by Jcl91 in Sports – Football – Added: 1 year, 6 months ago – Current Score: 1,936.4

So the Germans have said that England’s “goal” being disallowed is fine and acceptable as it was simply karma for the Russian Linesman Incident in ‘66. Well said Germany, and on a similar note I have opened a wonderfully legitimate new recreational shower chamber that 6 million of you should pop along to, free of charge, and discuss the ins and outs of your karma theory.    

Joke by Skrogie in Sports – Football (+ 1 more) – Added: 1 year, 6 months ago – Current Score: 1,915

I met a fairy today who granted me one wish. “I want to live forever,” I said.

“Sorry,” said the fairy, “I’m not allowed to grant wishes like that.”

“Fine,” I said, “I want to die when West Brom win the premier league.”

“You crafty cunt!” said the fairy.

Hats off to Luis Suarez

I mean he is the blackest person I’ve evra seen.    

Joke by uggabugga in Racism – Black (+ 1 more) – Added: 3 days ago – Current Score: -5.4

Without a doubt the Russians will win the European Championships, 

They will be giving 140% effort    

Joke by Deen757 in Sports – Football (+ 2 more) – Added: 1 week ago – Current Score: -5.2

I went to a subway in CHELSEA and asked for their most expensive SUB, 

they gave me ‘Fernando Torres’.    

Joke by mukscoolster in Sports – Football – Added: 4 hours ago – Current Score: -5.2

I was trying to write a joke about the Munich air disaster.

………..Then I realised it would never take off.    

Joke by benb05 in Sports – Football – Added: 1 day ago – Current Score: -5

Did you know that Ryan Giggs is an anagram of:

Saggy Ring    

Joke by Drgreenthumb in Sports – Football – Added: 5 days ago – Current Score: -4.8

My mate’s got Laennec’s Cirrhosis after years of drinking too much. I thought I was being nice, but apparently it was bad taste to buy him a Liverpool ticket… 

Because they’re shit.    

Joke by dudeth69 in Sports – Football – Added: 4 days ago – Current Score: -4.8

I really hope that Al Qaeda use the Manchester Derby to honour Osama Bin Laden.    

Joke by dudeth69 in Sports – Football – Added: 1 week ago – Current Score: -4.4

I actually feel sorry for City supporters tonight. It’s not easy to lose to the team you previously supported.    

Joke by sq1993 in Sports – Football – Added: 1 week ago – Current Score: -4.2

Wayne Rooney shows up for training dressed as a zombie. Patrice Evra was quite scared but Darren Fletcher was shitting himself.    

Joke by bighelmet in Sports – Football – Added: 5 days ago – Current Score: -4

Manchester United should wipe the floor with Ajax.

Because Darren Fletcher’s bowel condition has left it in a horrible state.