Four Ways for Hockey Widows to Fight Back.
He Shoots, He Scores! Four of the most powerful words on earth.
They have the power not only to turn grown men into little boys, but to turn wives
into widows at the push of a button.
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For nearly 25 years now, I have lived my life as a widow from the day pre- season N.H.L. games are televised, to the last boring game of the play-offs. It is not the game of hockey itself that I hate so much, just everything surrounding it. For example, I can`t understand why I am always expected to be silent during game time. Hockey is a visual thing, yet most men can`t seem to keep track of whats going on unless they can hear the voices of a couple of shouting morons telling them what they are seeing! I also find it laughable that something as silly as a bunch of very large men slapping a black dot around my T.V. screen can turn my otherwise intelligent husband into a blathering idiot. He makes strange gutturalnoises, uses wild hand gestures and shouts profanity at the referee like he was in the same room. And then there is my personal favorite. Holy Mackinaw!! What kind of thing is that to shout. It sounds like something I might have heard Robin say on the original Batman and Robbin series. Holy jackets Batman!!
During the N.H.L. strike a few years back, I started planning, and by the time the next season began, I had devised four great ways to fight back.
Make his hockey experience as realistic as you can for him : When he asks you what`s for dinner on hockey night, put on a baseball cap, toss him a cold hot dog and a warm beer and tell him he owes you ten bucks.
Plan the perfect night : make sure you are the first one to look at the new T.V. guide. Find out what night the game is on and invite his family for dinner.
Timing is everything : Just before the puck is dropped, hand him a pile of phone messages that absolutely must be addressed immediately.
Compromise : For every hour of hockey I have to endure, he is subjected to one hour of decorating. Martha Stewart is a powerful tool.
I am still perfecting my revenge, but for now these four things allow me to get through the regular hockey season in a little more civilized manner than before. Hopefully I will come up with a better plan before the play offs begin.
6 Comments
I have to disagree with you. As you said, on all other occasions your husband is great. Sports is a great way for guys to relax and let out their frustrations. I do agree, that when it gets excessive there is a problem. Yet, if there is only one team in one sport he truely follows, let him have it. If you want him to be more family active, try planning events for right after a game. This way, you will know where he is beforehand, so he can’t get out of it.
I have to disagree with #1. It doesn’t matter how great your husband is on other occasions, Hockey becomes a life consuming pass time that they would rather crap their pants for than miss 5 minutes by going into the bathroom. It turns into a get me this and get me that, be quiet and I’m ignoring you event that lasts sometimes into very early summer.
As far as planning family activities, what do you do when all he has time for is hockey between work and sleep. #1 lives in a perfect world and good for her….what this person doesn’t understand is, most people don’t live there with her.
For Jodi. This article is aimed at “Hockey Widows.” Of which I am sure, you are not a member. One team and one sport would be great but, “Hockey Widows” are called that because once hockey season begins life at home is turned upside down. People have been divorced because of “Sports Widows” who live their life pretty much alone due to their fat assed, crotch scratching, belly rubbing, couch potato athlete spouses.
Good for Ping and number 3. I remember what my mom put up with. It made life bad at home. She should have worn a baseball hat and threw cold hot dogs. They might still be living together.
Wow! Well I underestimated what you all are going through. Let me rephrase then. I was not saying that you should allow your husband to be a complete jerk. I was merely suggesting that everyone needs some down time.
Hmmm!