Real Rules of Golf

Here are are the real rules of golf no one tells you about.

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1. Do not hit the 19th hole too early
2. Golf balls don’t float
3. Expensive clubs break easily – especially when wrapped around a tree.
4. The easy putt isn’t.
5. The hole is either farther or closer than it looks.
6. Golfing lessons only make you realize you have bad habits. Your wife can tell you about your bad habits for free.
7. A divot is God’s way of telling you , you stink.
8. A short straight shot is better than a long shot in the woods.
9. The best invention on the golf course is the beverage cart.
10. If your best short game is off the tee, you may want to quit.
11. Why do you want a low score? With the price of green fees, get your money’s worth – hit the golf ball as often as possible.
12. The hole gets smaller as you get closer.
13. The only places God put sand was on the beach and in the desert. The Devil put sand on golf courses.
14. Golf is the only sport you pay for to get frustrated.
15. The best shot is at the 19th hole.
16. Putting a powerful wood in the hand of a bad golfer, is like handing a baby a shotgun. The ball could go anywhere.
17. Even the most successful man is humbled by chipping over the green.
18. It is time to give up golf, when the sand wedge is your most used club.
19. The definition of insanity is always hitting the ball the same way and expecting different results.
20. It’s best to keep your head down – that way you won’t see your friends laughing.
21. When a bad golfer says he broke 90, he is talking about clubs.
22. Only golfers and madmen go out in the midday sun.
23. The Front Nine should not describe the number of shots on the first hole.
24. Hackers belong in the computer lab, not the golf course.
25. Some golfers are so bad – their handicap is showing up.
26. Hazards on golf courses include water, sand traps and beginners.
27. A lie is either how the ball is resting on the ground or the score you tell your friends Monday morning.
28. Match Play means a bad day where you should light your clubs on fire.
29. A Mulligan is either a do-over or a drunk Irish caddy.
30. A putter is a s special golf club that makes the ball roll. Right by the hole.
31. Rough can either describe the grass that borders the course or describe your game.
32. A scratch golfer makes all the other golfers scratch their heads and wonder why he is playing.
33. A turkey can be three consecutive birdies during one round of golf or the person you are playing with.
34. Only golfers and cavemen use clubs.
35. A man’s true character is revealed when he is out of bounds and no one is looking.
36, When someone says “It’s a long shot.”, they are talking about your chances of making par.
37. While men worry about their golf grip, they should worry about the grip golf has on them.
38. The most expensive part of golf is the money your wife is spending, while you’re spending time golfing.
39. While you are playing a round, your wife could be playing around.
40.”Clean your balls” is always a funny line.

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