Tony The Terrible: Even Worse Than I Previously Suggested

Let me just say this right away: the only good decision Tony Romo ever made in his life was breaking up with Jessica Simpson.

That being said, that decision will become completely null and void should he ever stay with any other woman, or specifically should he ever have a child.  I’m not saying it was a good choice that he broke up with Jessica because I’m jealous or anything- I honestly couldn’t care less about that obnoxious hussy.  The truth is, I’m glad that Tony broke up with her because as long as he’s with a woman there’s a slight chance that he will procreate.  I emphasize slight because I’m aware of simple biology which tells me that the chances of the offspring of two different breeds of animal surviving are extremely low.  A woman Tony Romo is with is almost certainly human, whereas Tony Romo is Tony Romo.

Unsubstantiated slander aside, there are other ways to discredit Tony’s status as a decent human being.  This can easily be shown through the many quotes he has made over the years.  These quotes, even for a football player, are unreasonably bad.  Take this gem for example:

“Fame is fleeting. That stuff comes and goes. You know, as soon as I play poorly … you won’t be doing this interview–you’ll be interviewing the next guy.”

And thank God too!  As stated in my previous article, seeing Tony Romo on the 150 foot screen in Dallas is more than enough for our doomed world.  Interviews, which increase his airtime on television, will only hasten the world’s demise.  Leading scientists say that we have put too much Tony Romo into our airtime.  In 1990 it was 0 ppm (parts per million) whereas in 2007 it increased drastically to 500 ppm.  Scientists believe that a maximum of 350 ppm can be tolerated by the atmosphere- anything higher will drastically increase global boring.

If you don’t believe me, read my next article and remove the veil over your highly ignorant eyes.