Tony The Terrible: A Brief Description of The Nfl’s Worst Quarterback

The NFL: America’s favorite pass time.  Well I mean football: America’s favorite pass time.  There we go, that sounds better.  Whether you’re a NASCAR fan or a white supremacist, football can bring hours of joy into your household.  It is a time honored tradition that transcends that boundary. 

But the one thing that can be terribly frustrating to the casual football fan is not having enough information on hand to argue with your drunk buddies at the tavern effectively.  When they bring up some bit of information about Tony Romo’s passer rating you need to be prepared to combat the claim that Tony Romo is a good quarterback.  I can’t stress this enough.  You need to be ready to debunk your friend’s claim before others in the room are led to believe, quite incorrectly, that Tony Romo has any real talents.  He’s horrible.

And that’s why I’m here- not to give you any real strategies for talking the talk on football topics in general, but specifically to train an enlightened elite of football fans who are aware of just how badly Tony Romo sucks.  To back this up, let me first cite a few facts and statistics that should get you off to a good start:

• Tony Romo is 6′2, exactly one foot taller than famed rapist-murderer-Nazi Charles Manson, making him “Charles 2.0″
• Tony Romo has thrown 50 interceptions in his career, which is exactly 50 more interceptions than a quarterback should throw in his career
• Tony Romo has completed 63% of the passes he has thrown in his career, which is the same killing a prostitute success rate of famous rapist-murderer-British guy Jack the Ripper
• Tony Romo’s name has 8 letters, the same amount of letters in the phrase “Satan FTW”
• Tony Romo is Tony Romo

In addition to the facts mentioned above, there is also growing consensus among historians that Tony Romo killed 2 U.S. Presidents: Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy.  Conventional wisdom would tell us that they were both shot, but a growing amount of evidence suggests that they both actually would have survived their bullet wounds were it not for one inconvenient truth- that Tony Romo would exist in the future.  On their death beds, historians believe, the two were both enjoying improving health.  Unfortunately, when one is in such a state of pain one gains access to an invisible force known as the universal mind lattice.  In this structure, all the minds of the world are connected and the subconscious of mankind is revealed.  It is in this lattice that both Lincoln and Kennedy viewed the poor form of Tony Romo’s throw and his inability to win a playoff game.  This brought great discomfort to both men and led to their deaths.  If Romo’s existence could have somehow been prevented, these two great Presidents would have enjoyed full lives.

In addition to this problem, Tony Romo’s existence may create additional woes.  Recently, the Dallas Cowboys purchased a new stadium featuring a 150 foot-long screen above the center of the field.  Normally this would be sort of awesome, but the fact that during every home game the world will see a 150 foot Tony Romo is quite disheartening.  The Mayans and other ancient civilizations predicted that the end of the world is coming in a short time.  Specifically, the Mayans stated that this would occur on December 21st, 2012.  Startlingly this is also the last date I predicted mankind would be able to endure seeing Tony Romo’s ugly face on a 150 foot screen.  Is Tony Romo the harbinger of death the Mayans foretold?

Yes.