Guaranteed Picks for NFL Week One

It’s time, once again, for some football!  And while everyone in the world is out making their picks, I offer something a llittle bit different… guarantees.  I will be right in my picks 85% of the time.  Try them on for size…

Tennessee Titans (0-0) at Pittsburgh Steelers (0-0)

The Titans overachieved last year, and will come down a notch or two this campaign.  The Steelers may very well be the last team standing at the end of the year again.  They will this week, at any rate.

Prediction…… The Steelers will do what the Steelers do:  win.  13-10.

Miami (0-0) at Atlanta (0-0)

These are two teams that everyone thought would be awful last year, and both somehow made it to the playoffs.  Both on the strength of one word…. ‘wildcat’ and ‘Ryan’.  Both could repeat the feat, although the odds are neither will.

Prediction……Wildcat 24 Ryan 21

Philadelphia (0-0) at Carolina (0-0)

Probably the best matchup of week one.  Both of these teams should be around come playoff time.

Prediction….. Defenses be damned… this will be a thriller.  Panthers 38-35.

Denver Broncos (0-0) at Cincinnati Bengals (0-0)

Broncos fans have been spoiled for years; this is the year they realize just how much, as Denver will absolutely suck.  For the Bengals, this is the annual time for celebration.  Carson Palmer will finally lead them to the promised land.  Reality will set in in about a month when they realize that this is the same old Bengals.  Which means, in short, that this game matters to virtually no one outside of Colorado, and virtually no one in Ohio.

Prediction…… The Bengals win the ‘who sucks the least’ bowl in a yawner, 16-13.

Kansas City (0-0) at Baltimore (0-0)

When was the last time Baltimore’s offense worried anyone?  This year they will.  Kansas City will challenge Detroit for next years top draft pick.

Prediction…… Ravens will have this one in the bag at the half.  31-3.

Minnesota Vikings (0-0) at Cleveland Browns (0-0)

The question, as it has been year after year since, what, 2000?  Is Brett Favre finally too old?  The answer is not yet.  The answer will most likely turn into a resounding yes come November, but expect Favre to look good early, especially with A.P. behind him.  As for the Browns, like their Ohio counterparts, they seem to be a perpetual fashionable pick every year, and they consistantly disappoint.  This year should be no different.  Look for this one to be close for all of a quarter.

Prediction….. Favre will be Favre, the Browns will be the Browns.  Vikings win 38-14.

New York Jets (0-0) at Houston Texans (0-0)

The Jets were mediocre with Favre at the helm.  Why does anyone think it will be any better with Sanchez?  In case anyone has failed to notice, USC quarterbacks are consistantly products of the system;  legends in college, legendary flops in the NFL.  This will be no different.   But for the Texans, their time is here.  This is the year the pieces fall into place.

Prediction….. The Texans will serve notice to the league, and dismantle the Jets 28-3.

Jacksonville Jaguars (0-0) at Indianapolis Colts (0-0)

The Jags are perpetual bridesmaids.  Good enough to pose a threat, but not good enough to take that last step.  The Colts will miss Tony Dungy more than people realize, but with number 18 running the show, they’ll still be hanging around for a while. 

Prediction…… Manning will pull a Favre and show that it doesn’t really matter all that much who’s on the other end.  Colts win 21-17.

Detroit Lions (0-0) at New Orleans Saints (0-0)

Good defenses can’t stop New Orleans.  Detroit?  Brees threw for five grand last year… he may do that against the Lions.  And those Lions…. at least they won’t go winless this year.  One would hope, at any rate.

Prediction….. Brees goes to town.  Saints 45-10.

Dallas Cowboys (0-0) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-0)

The Cowboys will be right back in the picture this year, if being a boring wild card contender is ‘back’.    This will be a team that Parcells would have loved.  The Bucs will be, in a word, average.

Prediction…… Cowboys will will another drab affair, 24-14.  They will win a good number of games like that this year.

San Francisco 49ers (0-0) at Arizona Cardinals (0-0)

The Cardinals weren’t that good last year;  just a team that got hot at the right time.  The 49ers will be this year’s Cardinals.  Learn the name Shaun Hill.

Prediction…..  Cardinals will look anything but super.  Niners sneak into the desert and win, 31-27.

Washington Redskins (0-0) at New York Giants (0-0)

We will learn this year that Eli really is better than his brother…. with that defense he doesn’t need to be great to keep them playing deep into 2010.  Just very good.  But he will be great.  The Redskins will be what they have been for years… nothing special.

Prediction……  The Giants put their early stamp on the NFC East, beating up on the Skins 27-7.

St. Louis Rams (0-0) at Seattle Seahawks (0-0)

We heard over and over last year that the poor Rams were bad because of a plethora of injuries.  We will learn this year that they were bad because they were bad.  The Seahawks will be rejuvinated, and if Hasselback is healthy he will have a huge year.

Prediction……  The Seahawks will be untested through week one, winning handily.  35-17.

Chicago Bears (0-0) at Green Bay Packers (0-0)

The Packers offense will be a juggernaut this year; there are just too many weapons.  If Capers has the Defense playing half as well as they did in the pre-season, they will run away with the NFC North.  As for the Bears, Jay Cutler is not a messiah.  He is the reincarnation of Jeff George… huge arm, small brain.  Opening day at Lambeau… no mystery here.

Prediction……  Rogers will shine, Cutler will not.  Packers 35-17.

Buffalo Bills (0-0) at New England Patriots (0-0)

Easy pickins here.  Brady is back.  Buffalo is, beyond T.O., garbage.

Prediction……  Brady will make us forget he was ever gone.  Patriots 42-13.

San Diego Chargers (0-0) at Oakland Raiders (0-0)

See above, but switch ‘Oakland’ for ‘Buffalo’.

Predictions……  *Yawn*  Chargers, 28-6.  why is this a monday night game?

So there you have it.  As I said, take it to the bank.  See you in week 2.