Guaranteed Picks for NFL: Week 6

And now we start to get into the meat of the NFL schedule.  Four undefeated teams remain (at least one of which will fall this week), and five teams are still searching for their first victory.  The Broncos and Bengals sit at and near the top of the AFC, and the Browns won a game. (What is this…1987?)  The Colts and Giants are cooly dismantling the restof the NFL, although the Giants will be tested in the game of the week traveling to New Orleans.  Does it get any better?

So, then… here are this weeks picks, followed as always by a review of last weeks.

St Louis Rams (0-5) at Jacksonville Jaguars (2-3)

This one should just be a blast.  I don’t even want to acknowledge that this travesty will occur by making a pick.  But of course I will.

Prediction:  The Jags aren’t very good, but once again… Jaguars 31 Worst team in NFL history 10

Baltimore Ravens (3-2) at Minnesota Vikings (5-0)

We keep waiting for the old man to blow it, and he just keeps Favre-ing it up.  Will this be the week?  And Ravens.. The Bungles?  At Home?

Prediction:  Keep waiting, folks.  Favrehas this bunch believing.  Vikings 27 Ravens 24

 

Detroit Lions (1-4) at Green Bay Packers (2-2)

You have to wonder how good Rodgers would be if he didn’t get sacked 12 times a game.  Detroit should provide a breather of sorts.

Prediction:  Rodgers enjoys his respite.  Packers 35 Lions 20

 

Houston Texans (2-3) at Cincinnati Bangles (4-1)

Dammit, I’ve been spouting about how the Bengals aren’t as good as their record for a month.  What the hell am I supposed to talk about now?

Prediction:  Alright, Ochocinco.  I believe.  Bengals 21 Texans 20

Cleveland Browns (1-4) at Pittsburgh Steelers (3-2)

Now that the Browns have started winning, look out Steelers.

Prediction:  Get Real.  Steelers 31 Browns 6

Kansas City Chiefs (0-5) at Washington Redskins (2-3)

Another game the defies the very lies of good taste and good football.

Prediction:  Winless teams get excited when they see the Redskins on the schedule.  Chiefs 17 Redskins 10

Carolina Panthers (1-3) at Tampa Bay Bucketheads (1-4)

I swear this week looks like a tournament of bad teams playing each other for the title of ‘Least Bad Team’

Prediction:  The Panthers continue the road to recovery.  Panthers 24 Buccaneers 13

New York Giants (5-0) at New Orleans Saints (4-0)

The advantage of seeing all of the bottom feeders play each other is that you also get games like this, which might just be an NFC Title game preview.

Prediction:  This should be a war.  Home Field is everything in games like this.  Saints 28 Giants 24

Arizona Cardinals (3-2) at Seattle Seahawks (2-3)

Suddenly a very important game, as the loser will all but drop out of the NFC west race.

Prediction:  The Cardinals climb back into contention.  Cardinals 31 Seahawks 21.

Philadelphia Eagles (3-1) at Oakland Raiders (1-4)

McNabb vs. The worst QB in football (and yes, that includes college.  And High School.  And…) The Showdown.

Prediction:  The only ‘pick’ is weather to change the channel when the highlights of the many Eagles touchdowns come up.  Eagles 42 Raiders 6

Buffalo Bills (1-4) at New York Jets (3-1)

Great rebound opportunity for the Jets.

Prediction: Jets feel all better.  Jets 28 Bills 10

Tennessee Titans (0-5) at New England Patriots (3-2)

Has a team with virtually all of the same components ever fallen so far, so fast as the Titans?  And it just keeps getting worse…

Prediction:  The Tennessee nightmare continues.  Patriots 38 Titans 21

Chicago Bears (3-1) at Atlanta Falcons (3-1)

Suddenly a rather interesting game… should see some fireworks.

Prediction:  Atlanta in a wild one in the dome.  Falcons 38 Bears 31

Denver Broncos (5-0) at San Diego Chargers (2-2)

Am I actually going to do it?  Denver over San Diego at San Diego?  What has the NFL come to?

Prediction:  Guess I am.  Broncos 23 Chargers 20

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Week 5 Review… The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

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Cleveland Browns (0-4) at Buffalo Bills (1-3)

Don’t get excited, Dog Pound.  The Browns are still awful; the Bengals just forgot that they were for a while.  Bills fans… at least T.O. didn’t get shut out.

Prediction:  Bills take out their frustrations on the hapless browns.  Bills 31 Browns 13

Results: Browns 6 Bills 3The worst game I have ever seen.  How appropriate that this is how the Browns break into the win column.  Note to the Bills and Browns:  You both suck.   Bad

 

Dallas Cowboys (2-2) at Kansas City Chiefs (0-4)

The Cowboys are still searching for an identity.  The Chiefs have one; they suck.

Prediction: Cowboys 27 Chiefs 10 The ‘Boys may not find an identity here, but they’ll ind the end zone and a win. 

Results:  Cowboys 26 Chiefs 20  At least the Chiefs were respectable this week.  Dallas continues to impress no one.  You get the feeling they’ll pull it together, but looking up at the Eagles and Giants it won’t be easy.  Good

Minnesota Vikings (3-0) at St. Louis Rams (0-4)

Just when you think the Rams can’t get any worse.  Favre and Peterson should feast.

Prediction:  Another day, another whooping.  Vikings 38 Worst team in NFL History 10

Results: Vikings 38 Rams 10.  Not the best week picks wise, but hitting this one on the head was pretty sweet.  All Pro

Oakland Raiders (1-3) at New York Giants (4-0)

If Eli is going to be hurt for a week, this is the week to do it.  Have I mentioned that JaMarcus is the worst QB in history?  

Prediction:  This is assuming Eli sits.  Much worse if he plays.  Giants 24 Raiders 10.

Results: Giants 44 Raiders 7.  G-men keep rolling.  Raiders keep sucking.  Good

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-3)  Philadelphia Eagles (2-1)

Poor Tampa.  Even the scrubs who lost to Detroit beat the Bucs.  Philly looks good, whoever is under center.

Prediction: Philly will score and score and score.  Eagles 42 Buccaneers 17

Results:  Eagles 33 Buccaneers 14.  McNabb returns in fine form.  Tampa, following this weeks theme, sucks.  Good

Pittsburgh Steelers (1-2)  Detroit Lions (1-3)

The Steelers remembered that they’re the Steelers, and the Lions remembered (in the second half, anyway) that they’re the Lions.

Prediction:  Steelers build momentum.  Steelers 35 Lions 14

Results: Steelers 28 Lions 20.  Detroit almost flirts with respectability; The Steelers are still a bit off.  Good

Washington Redskins (2-2) at Carolina Panthers (0-3)

Has there ever been a worse 2-2 team?  And the Panthers at 0-3… I still don’t get it.

Predictions:  0-3 isn’t a death sentence, but 0-4 is.  Panthers 24 Redskins 13

Results: Panthers 20 Redskins 17.   Not exactly impressive, but when you’re 0-3 a win is a win.  Good

Cincinnati Bengals (2-2) at Baltimore Ravens (3-1)

The Ravens went into New England and showed that while they aren’t there, they’re close.  They did go toe to toe.  The Bengals almost lost to the Browns.  You guys suck.

Predictions:  Ravens vent all over the Bengals.  Ravens 34 Bengals 17

Results:  Bengals 17 Ravens 14.  Ok… after years of thinking the Bengals had finally turned the corner, is this finally the year?  At 4-1, and almost 5-0, it’s hard to say no.  Not quite buting them yet, but I’m definately renting.  And what the hell happened to the Ravens? Fair

Atlanta Falcons (2-1) at San Fransisco 49ers (3-1)

When was the last time a Ninersvs. Falcons game meant anything?

Predictions:  Not without Gore.  Falcons 27 49ers 20

Results:  Falcons 45 49ers 10.  Wow.  Losing without Gore would have at least been understandable, but what was this?  Bad

Jacksonville Jaguars (2-2) at Seattle Seahawks (1-3)

The Jags are improving.  The Seahawks aren’t.

Predictions:  Jags Roll.  The spiral continues for Seattle.  Jaguars 31 Seahawks 21

Results:  Seahawks 41 Jaguars 0.  This pick followed this week’s pattern as well.  It sucked.  Bad.

Houston Texans (2-2) at Arizona Cardinals (1-2)

You just never know which Texans team will show up.  This will be the shootout the Indy game was supposed to be.

Prediction: Cardinals in a barn burner.  Cardinals 35 Texans 31

Results:  Cardinals 28 Texans 21.  Predicted Houstion Jeckyls, Got Houston Hydes. Fair

New England Patriots (3-1) at Denver Broncos (4-0)

For the third straight week, the Pats face an up and coming team ready to make a mark at their expense.

Predictions:  For the third straight week, Brady and the boys put down another upstart. Pats 27 Broncos 17

Results:  Broncos 20 Patriots 17.  At 5-0, as with the Bengals, I am forced to accept that the Broncos are a legitimate team.  Fair

Indianapolis Colts (4-0) at Tennessee Titans (0-4)

Ah, it just gets worse for the Titans.  Didn’t they used to have a Defense?  And why is no one talking about the Colts?

Prediction:  Peyton pads his numbers.  Colts 38 Titans 20

Results:  Colts 31 Titans 9.  Colts very good.  Titans very bad.  Good

New York Jets (3-1) at Miami Dolphins (1-3)

The Jets finally fell, the Dolphins finally won a game.  Best answer for insane blitzing?  A strong Running game.

Prediction:  Jets will make Henne beat them through the air.  If the ‘Fins can run, it will negate Ryan’s blitzes.  Won’t happen for a whole game, but it’ll be close.  Jets 23 Dolphins 20.