Guaranteed Picks for NFL Week 5

No hoopla this week; just the straight picks.  As always, last weeks picks are reviewed after this weeks.

Will be updated after Monday’s Game..

Cleveland Browns (0-4) at Buffalo Bills (1-3)

Don’t get excited, Dog Pound.  The Browns are still awful; the Bengals just forgot that they were for a while.  Bills fans… at least T.O. didn’t get shut out.

Prediction:  Bills take out their frustrations on the hapless browns.  Bills 31 Browns 13

Dallas Cowboys (2-2) at Kansas City Chiefs (0-4)

The Cowboys are still searching for an identity.  The Chiefs have one; they suck.

Prediction:  The ‘Boys may not find an identity here, but they’ll ind the end zone and a win.  Cowboys 27 Chiefs 10.

Minnesota Vikings (3-0) at St. Louis Rams (0-4)

Just when you think the Rams can’t get any worse.  Favre and Peterson should feast.

Prediction:  Another day, another whooping.  Vikings 38 Worst team in NFL History 10

Oakland Raiders (1-3) at New York Giants (4-0)

If Eli is going to be hurt for a week, this is the week to do it.  Have I mentioned that JaMarcus is the worst QB in history?  

Prediction:  This is assuming Eli sits.  Much worse if he plays.  Giants 24 Raiders 10.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-3)  Philadelphia Eagles (2-1)

Poor Tampa.  Even the scrubs who lost to Detroit beat the Bucs.  Philly looks good, whoever is under center.

Prediction: Philly will score and score and score.  Eagles 42 Buccaneers 17

Pittsburgh Steelers (1-2)  Detroit Lions (1-3)

The Steelers remembered that they’re the Steelers, and the Lions remembered (in the second half, anyway) that they’re the Lions.

Prediction:  Steelers build momentum.  Steelers 35 Lions 14

Washington Redskins (2-2) at Carolina Panthers (0-3)

Has there ever been a worse 2-2 team?  And the Panthers at 0-3… I still don’t get it.

Predictions:  0-3 isn’t a death sentence, but 0-4 is.  Panthers 24 Redskins 13

Cincinnati Bengals (2-2) at Baltimore Ravens (3-1)

The Ravens went into New England and showed that while they aren’t there, they’re close.  They did go toe to toe.  The Bengals almost lost to the Browns.  You guys suck.

Predictions:  Ravens vent all over the Bengals.  Ravens 34 Bengals 17

Atlanta Falcons (2-1) at San Fransisco 49ers (3-1)

When was the last time a Niners vs. Falcons game meant anything?

Predictions:  Not without Gore.  Falcons 27 49ers 20

Jacksonville Jaguars (2-2) at Seattle Seahawks (1-3)

The Jags are improving.  The Seahawks aren’t.

Predictions:  Jags Roll.  The spiral continues for Seattle.  Jaguars 31 Seahawks 21

Houston Texans (2-2) at Arizona Cardinals (1-2)

You just never know which Texans team will show up.  This will be the shootout the Indy game was supposed to be.

Prediction: Cardinals in a barn burner.  Cardinals 35 Texans 31

New England Patriots (3-1) at Denver Broncos (4-0)

For the third straight week, the Pats face an up and coming team ready to make a mark at their expense.

Predictions:  For the third straight week, Brady and the boys put down another upstart. Pats 27 Broncos 17

Indianapolis Colts (4-0) at Tennessee Titans (0-4)

Ah, it just gets worse for the Titans.  Didn’t they used to have a Defense?  And why is no one talking about the Colts?

Prediction:  Peyton pads his numbers.  Colts 38 Titans 20

New York Jets (3-1) at Miami Dolphins (1-3)

The Jets finally fell, the Dolphins finally won a game.  Best answer for insane blitzing?  A strong Running game.

Prediction:  Jets will make Henne beat them through the air.  If the ‘Fins can run, it will negate Ryan’s blitzes.  Won’t happen for a whole game, but it’ll be close.  Jets 23 Dolphins 20.

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Reviewing Week 4… The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.

                            

Detroit Lions (1-2) at Chicago Bears (2-1)

The streak is finally over; now the Lions can go back to sucking on a normal level.  They can leave the monumental sucking to the Rams.  The Bears aren’t great, but they’re good enough to be 3-1.

Prediction:  The Lions start a new streak.   Bears 27-10

Results:  Bears 48 Lions 24.  Ok, got the Bears whooping the Lions right, but 50 points?  Nice.  Good

                                 

Cincinnati Bengals (2-1) at Cleveland Browns (0-3)

The Bungles almost look like a decent football team, but I’m wary.  Cleveland is pitiful. 

Prediction: Ochocinco and the boys feast.  Bengals 31-7

Results:  Bengals 23 Browns 20.  Cleveland finally decided to show up.  Go Figure.  They still lost.  Good

                            

Seattle Seattle (1-2) at Indianapolis Colts ()

The Seahawks are contenders no more, and should put up little resistance in Indy. 

Prediction:  Looks like a shootout, at least until kickoff.  Colts 38-14

Results:  Colts 34 Seahawks 17.  This was a pretty close pick…  All Pro

                              

New York Giants (3-0) at Kansas City Chiefs (0-3)

The Giants just look better and better.  The Chiefs just look worse and worse.

Prediction:  Hmmmmm…   Giants 35-10

Results:  Giants 27 Chiefs 16.  KC made it mildly interesting.  Sort of.  Good

                                 

Baltimore Ravens (3-0) at New England Patriots (2-1)

Wow, does this make for a monster game.  Another up and comer taking a shot at the heavyweight.  Will they fare better than the Falcons did?

Prediction:  They will.  The Ravens are the best team in the NFL right now.  Ravens 28-24

Results:  Patriots 27 Ravens 21.  Twice in two weeks, teams on the way up came to Foxboro to get em some.  Twice they smacked them down.  Fair

                                           

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-3) at Washington Redskins (1-2)

Two very ugly teams.  This might be worse than that 9-7 dabacle last week.

Prediction:  Does anyone really care?  Bucs 13-10

Results:  Redskins 16 Buccaneers 13.  Ok,  I had that it would be a boring, low scoring game between bad teams.  Just had which team would suck less wrong.   Fair

                                  

Tennessee Titans (0-3) at Jacksonville Jaguars (1-2)

These teams were both supposed to vie for playoff spots.  Is it too late for both of them?

Prediction:  This ought to be a monster fantasy game.  Titans 38-34

Results:  Jaguars 37 Titans 17.  I just keep thinking the Titans will pick it up.  I keep thinking wrong.  Bad

                            

Oakland Raiders (1-2) at Houston Texans (1-2)

I am officially done with Ryan Lea…er… JaMarcus Russell.  He’s so bad, the awful version of the Texans could win by 10.

Prediction:  Russell is worth -14 on the spread himself.  Texans 31-6

Results:  Texans 29 Raiders 6.  Doesn’t get much closer than this.  All Pro

                            

New York Jets (3-0) at New Orleans Saints (3-0)

Does it get any better than this?  The gambling high powered offense versus the violently aggressive D… this is what football is all about.  The defense usually wins these.

Prediction:  The defense doesn’t win this time.  Saints 31-21

Results:  Saints 24 Jets 10.  The Saints can apparently win games without Brees throwing 5 TDs… 2 weeks, no TDs, 2 wins.  Fear not, Jets fans.  Playoffs are still in your future.  Good

                      

Buffalo Bills (1-2) at Miami Dolphins (0-3)

The Bills are better than 1-2.  The Dolphins are better than 0-3.  And yet they’re 1-2 and 0-3.  Something’s gotta give.

Prediction:  The Bills will be better than 1-3, too.  Dolphins 21-20

Results:  Dolphins 38 Bills 10.  Pick right, but a blowout?  Hello, Chad Henne.  And that running game… welcome back, 2008 Dolphins.  Good

                             

St. Louis Rams  (0-3) at San Fransisco 49ers (2-1)

Gotta feel bad for the Niners; they beat the Vikings in every way but the one that mattered.  Nothing cures what ails ya like the Rams.

Prediction:  It’s the Rams.  49ers 38-14

Results:  49ers 35 Rams 0.  Where did I get off thinking the Rams would actually score points?  So much for a Niners letdown after the Vikings game.  Good

                            

Dallas Cowboys (1-1) at Denver Broncos (3-0)

And now we find out if the Broncos are a good team.

Prediction:  Nope.  Cowboys 34-14

Results:  Broncos 17 Cowboys 10.  OK, I’ll admit it.  I underestimated the Broncos.  Still not convinced, though;  Cowboys haven’t exactly looked good of late.  Bad

                                   

San Diego Chargers (2-1) at Pittsburgh Steelers (1-2)

The Steelers really need this one.  1-3 is an awful big hole to dig out of. 

Prediction:  The Chargers aren’t going to come into Pittsburgh and send them to 1-3.  Steelers 28-17

Result: Steelers 38 Chargers 28.  Not exactly the Steelers we’re used to, but…

                                   

Green Bay Packers (2-1) ay Minnesota Vikings (3-0)

In a week with what could be some great games, this is the one everyone will be waiting for.  Favre had one more in his tank.  Can the student keep pace with the teacher?

Prediction:  The student surpasses the teacher in a thriller.  Packers 38-35