Dallas’ Cow Patty

NFL training camps are breaking across the country. As the Pre-season begins, all 32 teams have hopes of making it to the Super Bowl, but some of those dreams are more foolish than others.

And amazingly, few places are more foolish than in the once-proud NFL city of Dallas.

The Cowboys, arguably the most successful team in the Super Bowl era, have been degraded into a joke of a franchise. Hampered by bad drafting, bad trades and bad coaching moves, they haven’t seen a single playoff win in ten years. The Detroit Lions are the only other NFC team with as long a draught.

Most of the blame falls right on the shoulders of owner Jerry Jones, an arrogant buffoon who had no background in football before purchasing the club in 1989. Yet his first move in command was to fire Tex Schramm and Tom Landry without even a thank you for building the franchise. Since then, the Cowboys have seen six coaches – and no general managers. Jerry has called himself the GM from the beginning, often saying the owner and GM can only be on the same page if they are the same person. This theory is not shared by any of the other 31 NFL teams, eight of which have won championships since the Boys last saw a Super Bowl.

The Cowboys have gone through as many quarterbacks as they have coaches. No first round draft pick under 30 has taken a snap in Dallas since Troy Aikman’s 30th birthday. While Aikman’s move to the broadcast booth was flawless, his old team’s search for a replacement has been anything but. They’ve gone through three guys past their prime, two who had given up football for baseball, and one who turned pro early to avoid getting benched his senior college season.

Now, they hope their future lies in Tony Romo, an un-drafted free agent who waited four years to play his first down. The 1999 St. Louis Rams are the only team to win a Super Bowl with an un-drafted quarterback, and it took an injury to put Kurt Warner under center. The Cowboys won four of Romo’s first five games in 2006. But once other teams got film on him, he faltered. They lost four of their last six, capped off with Romo botching the hold for the winning field goal in the playoffs against Seattle.

Then there’s the walking sideshow, Terrell Owens, known for over-the-top celebrations, dropping open passes and throwing teammates under the bus. Just one year after forcing a trade to Philadelphia and getting a new contract, TO held out of 2005 training camp and blamed quarterback Donovan McNabb for their loss in the Super Bowl. The Eagles suspended Owens for the year and cut him afterward. Jerry then gave him $10 million a year when the rest of the league wouldn’t touch him with a 10 foot pole.

And TO’s still the best weapon they have. For the third straight year, they’ll use a shuttle system at running back, with neither Julius Jones or Marion Barber good enough to get the job full-time.

Considering the Cowboys have drafted nothing but defense in the first round since 1998, one could imagine how dominant they should be. But they gave up nearly 30 points a game in their last six. Leading the overrated bunch is safety Roy Williams, a headhunter who might wreck someone’s career for the highlight reel (he nearly did it to now-teammate Owens) but can’t cover a Canadian League receiver to save his life. The Cowboys insist that new coach Wade Phillips will allow Williams to play closer to the ball – the same thing Bill Parcells was saying for the last two years. In today’s pass-happy NFL, playing anyone in the secondary who can’t cover is a recipe for disaster.

Such has been business as usual at Valley Ranch. The fans have seen Tampa Bay, New England and Indianapolis go from bottom-dwellers to champions while their Boys produce mediocrity year after year. Yet they remain foolishly optimistic. They continue to believe that the man who fired Tom Landry has somehow gotten it right this time.

They believe in their hearts that the Cowboys will be back in the Super Bowl this year.

In truth, hoping their team will be back when their brand-new Arlington stadium hosts the game in four years is nothing more than a dream.