Hoover Dam Bypass Bridge: The World’s Newest Slingshot
Looks like a new jumpers paradise is almost finished…
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The Hoover Dam Bypass project is almost finished! The builders may not realise it, but they have just built, the biggest human slingshot ,in history.
Every bungee jumper and free fall junkie from every state in the union, will be waiting for a chance to plummet, jump, or fling themselves off this great new structure. Why not? It has the perfect setup for a slingshot, over the top of the dam! Don’t laugh people, you know someone is gonna try it. Of course, they might just splatter themselves against the cement ,but I’m sure a few will make it.After all ,it’s the challenge, not the screaming and splat at the end they will want.
Can’t you just see it? Some guy,with a bunch of friends, loading him in his homemade sling, with 12 industrial bungees, anchored to the bridge abutments like a spiders web? Oh, I can picture it.I see it all the time.This poor guy will need all the help he can get, to get to terminal velocity.His buddies will faithfully pull their beloved friend to maximum stretch ,and then send him shooting like a greased cannon ball, out from under the bridge, up over the dam, and in to the water above. We hope.They will salute with a barrage of energy drinks and guava, then, call an ambulance.
Just to be on the safe side, I recommend a big target being painted on the face of the dam.That way if they miss,they can at least get a ten pointer or a bulls eye. Then ,they can call an ambulance.
Of course you will also have the base jumpers,trying to see who is going to pull that chute chord last.For this, I think maybe one of those auto-inflate rubber rafts tied to their waist, just in case you need to bounce rather than splat.
The bungee jumpers will come in force, stealthily setting up.These guys are quick too! They can unload a fully staffed and loaded Toyota Prius ,hook up, and jump in less than a minute.All occupants in the vehicle that are not jumping, will be there to gladly push them off, and film the event. Then, they will call an ambulance..I’m sure.
For those who can’t afford the expensive bungees, there will be a store down the road, who just happens to sell cheap bungees, made in China, that will do the job ,once! Save your money kids! Bed sheets would work better.Step away from the laundry!
So here we are waiting patiently for the first brave sole to stuff himself in a sling, and shoot himself to “fame dome”,clear the top of the dam, just to land on some poor, unsuspecting fisherman…and kill him.Of course the slingshot dude will survive, as most fisherman are great landing bags.He’ll probably get to keep the fish too,when he gets out of jail.
Why does this sound like a plan for a reality show? Maybe the reality-TV kids will do it.You can hide three of them in a Toyota Prius, while sending off fake inflatable kids up into the heavens!
