A Little Bit of Humour

Ault jokes.

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My budgie managed to get free from his cage and shag the dog. I’ve got some puppies going cheep if your interested.

Got the sack last nite from the salvation army soup kitchen.ungrateful bastards!all i said was “hurry up for fucks sake some of us have homes to go to”!

Paddy and Murphy, come across a girl whose bike has a flat tyre. Murphy leaves Paddy to help her and goes on his way. A few mins later Paddy passes Murphy on the girl’s bike. “What the feck happened”? asks Murphy. “Well, I fixed her bike and be jaysus she takes her fuckin knickers off, lies on the ground and says, take what you want big boy! “I took the bike.” “Good on ye says Murphy, i’m sure the fuckin knickers wouldn’t fit ya anyway!”

I was standing at a urinal earlier today and next to me was a dwarf also having a piss. I noticed he was winking at me so I looked away, I turned and looked again and the little fucker was winking at me like crazy! Disturbed by this, I said “Are you gay? Do u fuckin
fancy me or
something?” he replied ” No you’re splashing my fucking eyes you twat.

Old lady catches bus every day and always gives the driver some peanuts to eat.
After a while the driver asks ‘Why do you give me such delicious nuts every day, why not eat them yourself?
Old lady replies ‘I’ve got no teeth to munch them’
Driver: Then why buy them?
Old lady: ‘I just love the chocolate around them !’

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