Cricket Sledges at Their Best
Have you ever wanted smart and witty sledges to say to your opponent? Have you ever been gobsmacked, and not able to answer back to smart, witty sledges? Well, this will change your cricketing ways and make you a great asset to your team.
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These sledges are different to the sledges you will hear on TV and on the internet. The ones that you normally hear are more personal and are a direct attack to the person. This guide is more generalized and can be aimed at nearly everybody.
What are Sledges?
Sledges are basically a fancy term for insults. Sledging often happens in most sports but it is most renowned in cricket. According to the knowledgeable and wisdom of Wikipedia, sledging “is the practice in cricket of insulting opponents to break their concentration and cause them to make mistakes. Sledging is effective because the batsman stands within hearing range of the bowler and certain fielders. The aim is to intimidate or distract the batsman into making a fatal mistake and being dismissed. Sledging thus tries to “break the flow” of the batsman’s game”. There it is, that is why sledging is an important part to a cricketers arsenal of weapons.
Classic Sledges are the sledges that you always hear from the other team. Although not original, it is always good to have these in your arsenal, just in case you run out of smart ones. Try not to overuse these as they will quickly turn lame.
Classic Sledges (at Batsman)
Big Swing, No Ding
He’s got more missus (wives) than Henry VIII
He’s got more leaves than a tree
He’s got more blocks than a lego set
I’ve seen better batters in a fish shop
He’s shaking harder than Tickle Me Elmo
He’s go more edges than a dodecahedron
(To fat batsman) Have you ever been out belly-before-wicket?
New Sledges are the ones that have nearly never been heard before. These sledges were made up by me and are a great set of sledges to use on your opposition batsman to frustrate him resulting in him making silly shots and maybe even getting him out.
New Sledges (at Batsman)
He drives like a woman (no offense to women)
He drives like a drunk
He fishes more than Rex Hunt
Don’t give this one a knife, cause he can’t cut
The stump cam’s gonna be dusty cause he can’t sweep
He swings more than a New Orleans jazz band
Don’t take this guy hunting, he’ll miss every shot
Emos cut better than this guy
Does his bat have a middle? Cause right now, he ain’t using it
Boys, learn something here, this is why drink driving is illegal
If you gave this guy money for every run, he’d be in debt
This guy should be learning how to cut at a cooking school
Clearly this guy’s still on his L’s (meaning he cant drive)
Clearly this guy’s license has been confiscated
We have to rent him a car boys, cause right now, he can’t drive
These are not really sledges, but more encouragement for your own bowlers. This is limited as I have tried to make up sledges to be directed at the batsman instead.
Comments (to Own Bowler)
Let’s feed the stumps some cherries
Instead of cover driving, lets make him drive for cover
Send the bails to Wales (does not work if you do live in Wales)
Important tip:
Only ever use a sledge once per game (this will stop the sledges becoming “lame” or you will quickly become the embarrassed one)
77 Comments
how about this one;
“whats he batting with, a bat or a polo;
cos he’s all edge no middle.
here’s another,
hope this guy can ride a bike cos he certainly can’t drive.
get this guy a washing machine, cos hes going arieal
i never knew slazenger made fishing rods
this bloke doesnt know where his next runs coming from — let a lone his next meal.
when the ball hits him in the box ” ooo that one got him straight in the schmoo”
when he edges it and gets caught behind ” stevie NICKS threw to danny GLOVER “
when there is a guy having a hack ” cmon boys lets send GENE HACKMAN back now.
You’ve got more missus than Shane Warne
I’ve seen better footwork on a snake.
My Grandma pulls better than that.
he’s like a donut, all edge no middle.
he’s got more defence than the US army.
he’s got more edges than a fifty cent coin.
this guy couldn’t hit water if he fell out of a boat.
that one went through him like last nights curry
i’ve seen better batting in the shower
http://www.theartofsledging.com
The new cricketer’s sledging bible.
All the best sledges (stacks you’ve never heard before) immortalised in the one book.
i have seen Emos cut better
someone call the cops, this guys nicking everything!
this bloke couldn’t catch a STD in a brothel
(to a fat batsma) were guna need a spinner to get around this bloke boys
seen beter sweeps from a janitor
seen beter pulls on a porno
seen beter hooks in a tackle box
seenj beter cuts from an emo
he must seeing the ball like milk cause that went straight passed his eyes
heres one,
seen better batters at a fish and chip shop!
for more awesome sledges, go to http://www.placeyourname.webs.com
or http://www.playsyourname.webs.com
cheers
This bloke couldnt play stright in a gay bar,
if the batter looks at the pitch and then tappes it or some thing like that, you say “there is nothing wrong with the pitch its just you”
more edges than a 50c peice
give him a piano and see if he can play dat
my goatie grows faster than your run rate
runs are drying up like warragambba dam
put your seatbelts on, coz this guy cant drive
hes got more misses than the playboy mansion
this guy has more defence than the indian police
hes got more cuts than an emo
that one went through him like last nights curry
this guy has more levs than a tree
this guy has more bloks than lego land
iv seen better hits from simple plan
If the ball goes past the outside edge you say:
I get better connection with optus!!!!!
He couldn’t hit water if he fell out a boat!
More dots than a dalmatian
Off stumps having a party lets crash it
Lets get him a girlfriend because he cant pull
Good tight bowling here lads. Tight as a ducks arse
hes got more swings then a dunny door
Bowl him a paino, see if he can play that
(When batsman hits it up in the air) More air time than Tony Hawk in a halfpipe…
this guys got mare misses (wives) than an arabian prince
if hes getting no runs
hes playing dot to dot in the scorebook
squared him up like a rubix cube!
Another good sledge if the batsman keeps edging the ball
“he is like a donut fellas all edges no middle”
this guy couldnt cut butter if he tried
they could do dot to dot in the score book
this guys had more misses than desprate house wifes
does that swing come with a handbag
hes got less swings than a park
hes got more missus than henry the 8th
come on lads his nose is running more than he is
hes got less shots than a broken camera
the newspapers say that this guys got more ducks than a stream
all made up by dodge!!
Rot.
Ive seen better bats in a cave…
ive seen better stokes in hospital..
you can tell this guys on more than car insurance hes more than lucky
He’s swinging like the sixties
He’s fishing on a frozen lake
He’s like a pikey nicking everything
when i was playing in UK our keeper was the biggest and most annoying smartarse of a bloke you could imagine. I was at slip when this bloke came into bat and our keeper said \” you are so ugly that you are the captain of the world ugly XI\”. The batsman replied \” yeah and your mrs is batting at 3\”. We all lost it with laughter, put the little smartarse in his place… He did not take it to well.
What about …
Mate turn your bluetooth on cause your not connecting!
UMM partenering batsmen ‘ read like a book’ then fielders say shame he cant read!
“All over him like a fat kid on a smartie!”
U SUCK!
christain like balls at his face.
Ive seen more balls go past in christains bedroom
hes sniffing balls like a gay brothel!!
sams smiffing balls right now
hey i got a couple:
big swing, no ding
hes swinging like the sixties
hes like a donut all edges no middle
lets bowl him a piano and see if he can hit that
can i give u a tennis raquet
hes swinging like the sixties
he swings like a rusty gate
i have more but cant remember them all!
He’s swingin more than a toilet door on curry night.
This guy’s got more dots than an aboriginal painting.
This Guy’s Got more edges than a jaggered rock!
did this guy just shartttt
yes i did shart
mann thats hot
yeah. dommo ur one sexy kid
hey josho
im new in town can you show me around
of cause hotstuff
do you want a tour of the city or my bedroom
city you sick freakk
hey whats your number
1800call me sexy?
oh right
well adrian took me up on the bedroom offer
and ellen took it up with kendall
nah its 1800 ruit me
whats urs?
well your a lucky guy, brazilians woweyyy
unlucky kendal couldnt find her through the rolls
ohh right
mine is 1800sexytime
hahahahahhaha yeah i no
he even got a brazilian just for me
hahaha good old gulibul kendall
oh ncie
ill give u a call soemtime
but mines actually 0450627191
give me a bell
hahahah wowo
hahah yeah good old kendogga
ohh ok cool
ohh nice number
mine is actually 0469534298
hahahah
nice
this is one my friend told me:
he’s got more nicks than a greek wedding
hes swinging more than a toilet door on curry night.
heres a couple i use sometimes
he got more leaves than a gumnut tree
the scorebooks going to look like morse code all dots and dashes
the grass is growing faster than the run rate
hes got more edges than a doedecahedron
if a ur fat (im not) but is some one calls u fat say its only cause when i banged ya mum she gave me a cookie
seen m ore runs in a toilet bowl
He’s got more missus then tiger woods
MCGRATH: HOW WAS SHIVRIANNE CHANDERPAULS DICK LAST NIGHT
LARA: I DONT KNOW ASK UR WIFE
MCRGATH LOOSES IT BUT DATS NOT THE POINT HEEHEH
hey your fucken shit
These are horrible.
Hes got more chops than the butcher
hes got more hacks than the IT department
more drives than bill gates computer